COMMITMENT: JUST A WORD?

By John Maerz BA LMT

     If you are human this word has made itself apparent in some part of your life...welcome or not. When asked, everyone seems to have a different meaning. Whether we are talking about a relationship, business arrangement or just a simple agreement between friends it all comes down to a kind of promise or obligation. First, its nature depends entirely on the values and priorities of the persons involved. Second, it always involves two or more people (even if you are promising your self there's the part of you that promises and the part that hears!) Third (and this is the part that causes the most confusion), what you expect isn't always what occurs. Different perceptions lead to different actions. The key word is “expect.”

     Webster's describes "expect" as coming from the Latin meaning to look forward to or to await. The more common meaning reflects an assumption that something will be done by the promiser regardless of the circumstances. It IMPLIES obligation. To assume this is irrational let alone, unfair and imposing on the other person(s).

     The word commitment has evolved most strongly with people who are fearful and selfish. Those who are afraid of dealing with life as it comes and must have it wrapped up neatly in its own little box and those who are only concerned with having their own personal needs met are those who most strongly reverberate the word with venom and righteousness. Its enacting assumes a "locked into expected behavior" so those who EXTRACT it from others no longer have to change their behavior or deal with the unexpected (Life). Those who MAKE the commitment are usually doubtful about their ability to follow through. Perhaps we make the commitment aloud witnessed by others to force ourselves to honor it for fear of embarrassment?

     Commitment, obligation, promise and a host of many other words have a built in flaw. They all include a duality or separation from others. In our heart and conscience we know what has to be done in any situation. So does everyone else who we feel obligation with. All we have to do is to listen and follow. Yes. There is no security in this kind of behavior but we weren't put here to be secure. We were put here to grow. Isn't it better knowing what you must do rather than waiting for other people to cover up for you or support your illusion through their commitment only to find them doing what's best for them? The next time you feel you need to give or extract a commitment ask yourself why.