IS WHAT YOU FEEL REAL? Emotions & Their Author

By John Maerz BA LMT

      For many of us feelings are fleeting, intangible and sometimes indescribable. We tend to use the words “feelings” and “emotions” interchangeably. But are they the same?

     Webster’s describes the word “feel” in three ways; first, to examine or sense by touch; second, to experience as through emotion or condition; and third, to believe or know and suggests looking up thinking. The first example is easy to place in our discussion. By touch we refer to the physical senses with hearing, sight, taste and smell. These can be related to physical science as they utilize a stimulus and a response pattern through time to be recognizable. These can include, “I feel cold,” and “I feel hungry.” These feelings (sensations) are the direct result of a physical stimulus. The third option requires thought such as, “How do you feel about the political contenders?” or “What do you feel is the right thing to do?” These paradigms are handled, linearly, almost in a problem solving format, yet, we call them feelings. Currently, this seems to be the general consensus of what feelings are in our culture. They can, apparently, exist only within a quality of judgment or assessment. The second option is what I would like to address; experiencing.  

     Remember a time in which you became intensely angry. Look at it through the movement of time. The first thing you experience is a rush of heat and a sense of becoming stuck or immobile. The past pattern that triggered this reaction was like lightening. External circumstances presented a situation that ran contrary to what you either wanted or expected. This, quite literally, stops, blocks or locks up your flow of energy. The heat is the sense of being backed up. There is a sense of being unable to contain this “overload” so we look for someone to give it to. Usually we are able to sense the person(s) with the least defenses or who are the least likely to “fire back” at us. Essentially, we need a place to put it to relieve this feeling of “overload.” Yes I said feeling. Anger as a FEELING is the heat, the rush and the need to explode. WHY the anger occurs is a function of the mind. The justification, or the why of the anger, occurs when we accuse another person, or ourselves, of not acting in accordance with what’s wanted or needed. Then we say, “They made me angry,” or “I should have known better.” The justification for the anger is ALWAYS self generated by the mind. Through comparison we connect our past remembered experience AND it’s attending judgment with the current circumstances and then claim that our anger is because of external circumstances. The why or justification is what we call anger. Somehow the sense of heat, rush and immobility of the energy is lost in our description. We’ve become more attentive to the rationalization of why we feel this way rather than the experience of what we feel. This brings us to the definition of emotion. The word comes from the Latin derivatives of e-, out + movere, to move. The need to move the heat, rush and backup out, or eliminate it, is the feeling. The reaction to it, dissatisfaction, rationalization, intent and action to remedy, is a function of judgment by the mind. This falls right in line with our example. Emotion occurs when we take feeling, connect it to past examples or circumstances and encounter external stimuli that trigger reactions. The key component to realize here is that feeling occurs in the moment; without the structure of time and the mind. Emotion occurs within the context of time and mind.

     Put very simply, feelings are involuntary and in the moment. They are like the tides and passing clouds; they simply occur within our natural rhythm and are out of our control. Emotions, on the other hand, are feelings processed and constructed by the mind and occur over time and are within our control.

     Because we have been raised and trained with survival in mind we are over sensitized to our physical environment; constantly looking for external clues about how to behave. The boss looked me “funny.” Does that mean I’ve done something wrong? This social situation is very uncomfortable. Should I be filling up the airwaves with small talk so others feel more at home? Competition is only allowed in sports, business and politics. I am very skillful at what I do. Should I diminish myself so others don’t feel threatened? We have been convinced and reminded many times over that it is more important that we pay attention to how others feel. Which, is ridiculous from the perspective of how can we know how others feel? We are not having their experience so how can we know? They are reacting to us as external stimuli. We are so busy interpreting that we really can’t know. In this culture it is inappropriate to feel anger and disturb someone else’s tranquility. It is inappropriate to feel sadness and deflate someone else’s joy. It is inappropriate to feel joy in front of a depressed person. If I pay attention to my own feelings I am considered to be selfish, unacceptable and to be ostracized as the odd ball. I must keep up the smiley face. If I express my real feelings everyone else will be very uncomfortable and not know how to deal with me. If I don’t play the social small talk game everyone will be very uncomfortable and run away. Everyone assumes and no one listens. In our culture the reasons for feelings are considered to be the feelings. We have become so externally motivated that we have forgotten to feel to our inner feelings. Why? We have become a totally time conscious and mentally oriented society. Feelings are not productive. They serve no purpose. They do nothing to soothe someone else’s pain. They are selfish. Now, we have become so concerned with why we are having feelings that we have forgotten that we are having feelings.

     Emotions, or evoked reasons for feelings, have become what we believe are feelings. We are eating the menu rather than the food. Next time you feel angry, don’t react. Don’t take action immediately. Wait. Let yourself fully invest in the feeling. Let it wash over you. Don’t resist it. It will be like lightening. Don’t resist it. Don’t qualify it. Don’t judge it or label it. Just let it be. Then it will be gone. Storms eventually pass. Waves pass. Nighttime passes. Daytime passes. Then you will be left with the calm of it’s wake. It will add new dimension to the old adage, “And this too shall pass.”

     Feelings are like clouds. They move across the sun and then they’re gone. Emotions, on the other hand, get stuck. They are a function of the mind and it won’t let them go. The mind resists movement and produces pain through the resistance. Anger is painful when we resist it. Sadness is painful when we resist it. Joy is painful when we attempt to hold on to it. Love is painful when we attempt to possess it. Feelings are the movement of energy within us. If we attempt to restrict its movement we feel pain.

     Feelings are naturally occurring. Emotions are contrived. Be sure of what you mean the next time you use the words.